One Pivotal Moment ~ Updates On Our Kids

Sometimes it's just so hard to be away from family and friends. It is amazing to me, though, how quickly people here become close friends. I think we find kindred spirits among each other just because of the mere fact that we are not from here, but we are HERE! This is also true with others that are here that are from here, but have a similar belief system. Some of them have really gone out of their way to make sure that we are 'ok', knowing that settling here is not the easiest thing in the world. We are so very thankful for these people that God has aligned us with!

I wonder, a lot, about the impact this will have on our kids. Deep down, I know that since we are here not by our own choosing, but through a deeper calling, that as we are faithful to be the people and family that we are supposed to be, good things will come. I have been 'lead' recently to read anything and everything about being a kid growing up overseas. I am so grateful for the understandings that I have gleaned and wonder how much else is out there that I have no idea about!

A lot of you that read this post know our kids, so I'll just give you a quick update!

Our oldest has had a rough time adjusting after being here a couple months. The first couple months it was like vacation, I think, and then reality set in (as it did for all of us!). We saw a lot of behavior changes that just weren't 'him'. It has been really hard to navigate through each situation to determine if it is 'culture shock' coming out or if it is the 'benefits' of being a pre-teen! Needless, to say, we had a tumultuous few months!

Some may wonder how to handle him during these times. Some think, "hey the kid has just left everything he knows, all his friends and family, let him be." Others say, "you have to keep a system of discipline in place and let him find comfort in the consistency of the boundaries that you give him. Whatever he was allowed to do/not do before he moved should stay the same." (the last one you have to say w/ a low, deep, scruffy voice. hahahaha!!!!)

Well, we, honestly, didn't feel good with either choice. We, of course, knew that we couldn't let him get away with crazy stuff, but we also knew (from our own personal feelings) that adjusting here is just hard and lots of extra grace was needed. That this is parenting. Parenting doesn't just have one answer for everything. A parent takes care of their children to the best of their ability in every situation. Sometimes that means severe discipline, sometimes that means severe grace.

We have seen him 'settle in' a bit. There was one pivotal time when I think he turned a corner. Some of you may think we are crazy, but through a conversation we had with him (and a specific 'prompting', we gave him the choice to go back. We told him that we don't want him to, that we don't think that's where he belongs, but we know that we don't want to force him to do stuff and be somewhere that he totally hates. We told him that if he did, he would live with family and go to public school (my heart broke just saying it! Not b/c of public school, but just b/c I couldn't imagine being here without him). We told him that we want and need him as a part of our team, that we know God has him here for a reason, but if he thinks his life would be better there than here, we would honor that.

To our surprise, within the next couple HOURS of that same day, we saw what we consider a miraculous turn around in him. He smiled. He laughed, he talked more, etc... He helped his brother! Honestly, we were a bit astonished.

We realized, though, just having the 'option' of going back probably makes a world of difference. We, as adults, have that. We know that we could make a couple phone calls and say, "umm ...hey... this is too crazy, we are outta here." And, honestly, there are times that just knowing that there is a way 'out' makes everything seem 'better' or that we can make it. If we felt trapped here and forced to be here that would change our approach and feelings dramatically. Why wouldn't that be the same for him?

Now, don't think that just because he wakes up one day and says, "I want to go back" that we will start packing his bags. That would be a process too. We want to give him the option, and we are, but we would certainly be involved in it!

We don't know what will come, but we do know that him 'choosing' to be here now and be a part of the team is really great. He has dived into learning the language and can read and write better than his mom! hahaha Not for long though, I'm really working on it ~ as I have him check my work. LOL! Kids pick up language so easily, good grief!!!!

I am very thankful that we didn't take the approach of one road or the other with him. Right now, (subject to change, but prayerfully & hopefully not!) he is doing great.

Our youngest is doing good too. We say that he really hasn't missed a beat. He desperately misses his cousins, that's for sure, talks about them all the time as being in that "other world" - how true that is! - but he has acclimated to life here very well.

So all in all, our family is adjusting and doing well. It's been almost a year now!!! One day at a time ...